Sunday, April 27, 2003

Hackers 3 - Dirtie ShitDown

dirtie_h4x0r: do you know what is Cybernetic Police?
muaddib: nop. what's that?
dirtie_h4x0r: i dunno. but they are after me.
muaddib: hauauehuaehuahueahae
muaddib: but if you dont know what they are, how do you know they are after you?
dirtie_h4x0r: my ISP called me. he said the cyber police is after me. because I hacked a site.
muaddib: but did you actually hacked into that site?
dirtie_h4x0r: yes. is it a crime?
muaddib: guess no >:) but how did they know it was you?
dirtie_h4x0r: they have a router, dude.

hmmm... how am I supposed to hack into somewhere without passing thru a router? I'm tired of hacking into my localhost... perhaps another machines in my lan? hauheauheauhaue

muaddib: and how did they know it was you?
dirtie_h4x0r: i did not encrypt my IP addr.

Ahhh. He didnt encrypt his IP. that explains a lot. how would a encrypted IP look like in a router log? or would the router think it is a IPv6? hehe

muaddib: but how would you encrypt your IP?
dirtie_h4x0r: i've got some cryptographic technics. but i wont tell ya now. gotta go to the restroom.

Ahhhhh. so you hack into NASA but cannot tell us how because you are too busy shiting around... nice strategy... :)
Dirtie the Exorcist and the Evil Inetd... -- Part 3 - the Curse of port 666

As an educational experiment to teach Dirtie more about inetd, and to show him once for all that inetd is NOT related to internet connections, I took a chance when he left his machine logged in as root and went for lunch.

I just made a few changes on his /etc/inetd.conf...
666 stream tcp nowait root /bin/sh -c "echo 'ASSHOLE' | wall"
667 stream tcp nowait root killall -9 bash
999 stream tcp nowait root reboot
# killall -HUP inetd

every 30 seconds you could hear a "bip" from his machine... and also a broadcast messa: "The system if going down NOW"

My buddies and me even made a list, to specify who could reboot dirtie's machine at what time.

hmmm... You think he got the message about NOT using inetd?
Dirtie the Exorcist and the Evil Inetd... -- Part 2

dirtie: hey, this inetd daemon is pretty cool. It gave access to internet stuff.
me: ???
dirtie: take a look at the man page, dude. it says "Internet Super Server"
me: come again...?
dirtie: it says: inetd maps internet connections to proccess on the local machine. and it means ALL my internet stuff goes thru inetd.
me: really? ha ha ha (evil laugh)
Dirtie the Exorcist and the Evil Inetd...

dirtie: hey, you were trying to fool me. That inetd thing was controlling my Internet connection. It controls how fast they are.
me: shut the fsck up.
dirtie: It's true! I managed to install my modem at home, and my internet got pretty fast when I started inetd.
me: you crazy, know that?
dirtie: it does control! I just killed inetd and my internet connection hanged.

hmmm... what would he think about portmap? In his little, sick mind, he may think portmap maps the local ports in the local machine to internet ports, eh? So you can open connections thru the internet...

Gosh. Please forgive my sins. I promise I wont do it again. pleasepleaseplease
Dirtie and his brand new monitor...

dirtie: that samsung monitor at the lab is broken...
kripton: ask Marcio to take a look at it... might be just a Fuse...
dirtie: but it does go on, just there is no image... I think it's a problem on that Chaotic Ray Tube...
kripton: "Chaotic" Ray?

guess dirtie is quite impressed by that Theory of Chaos, or he's reading too much Apocalipse books...
Dirtie and his Amazing knowledge of SMTP

Dirtie taking care of Hosting services...

customer: Hi. I'd like to change my MX settings.
dirtie: ok, what's the new IP
dirtie: erm, I cant open connections to port 110 on that host. if I change your MX settings, you wont be able to receive any mail 'cause port 110 is closed.
customer: really? Ok, I'll fix that.

Hmmm. Does he know the difference betwenn SMTP/POP3? or perhaps he thinks SMTP/POP3/IMAP4/UDP/TCP and stuff are all the same? :P

Dirtie's family is spreading. Like cockroachs and rats. They are everywhere. What would that mean? The beginning of the Age of Chaos? Will our world be taken over by Dirties? The end of the world as we know it? Extinction of all inteligent life forms?

Saturday, April 26, 2003

dirtie: some guys on the college told me that a 2Mvps link is better than our link.
me: 2M WHAT?
dirtie: 2M vps.
me: please, dont tell me you are trying to say 2Mbps
dirtie: may be... are bps links faster than vps ones?

dirtie: I'm testing that port forward you set up for port 80, but it aint working.
me: ok, how are you testing it?
dirtie: i'm doing a ping on port 80, obviously.
me: (pause) you are doing WHAT?
dirtie: I'm doing a ping on that port. You expected me to do what?
How to increase space on your Slackware 8.0 installation

dirtie: hey, my linux wont boot...
me: lemme see... ... (bootdisk) ... (mount) ... ... hey. where is /vmlinuz?
dirtie: vmlinuz?
me: yes, that thing we call "kernel". you did install it, didnt you?
dirtie: oops
English Classes with Professor Dirtie

Dirtie was trying to talk to Rudiger Kuhlmann (Tadu - maintaner of mICQ)...

dirtie: whats you
tadu: ???
sujera: am who I
tadu: your english is not that bad

we gotta admit tadu is quite nice to dumb ppl :)
Dirtie learning about DAT tapes...

dirtie: Hey, those DAT tapes are much better than CDs 'cause they have sequencial access, which is much faster than random access.
me: do you *KNOW* what is sequencial AND random access?
dirtie: of course I do. that's why i say sequencial is much better.
me (with a bit of sarcasm uncommon to my nature): So all of our hard drives are crappy... as far as random access is a piece of shit... I guess I will change all our hard drives to sequencial access...

I must have done something *really* bad, so God is punishing me...
Dirtie and his Modem...

Dirtie was annoying me to install a modem on his linux box...

Dirtie: How do I install a modem on this linux?
me: you gotta load a module called "devnull"
dirtie: and how I configure the modem?
me: did you load the module?
dirtie: no, but I wanna know how to configure first, and then...
me (with a fierce voice): dont bother me till you load the "devnull" module into the kernel.

I got some hours of peace and calmness... Hmm... Did he find that module? Who cares? >:)
Just after I installed 2 Slackware Linux firewalls, Dirtie came and asked me (I'm the manager of our Linux Department): "Do you know how to install linux? REALLY? And slackware? Do you know how to install slackware?"

Oh Gosh. I dont deserve this...
"Hey! mcedit is much better than that Debug from Lotus Notes"

You didnt understand, did you? Neither did I. I see no relation between mcedit and Lotus Notes debugger.

Gotta think about it with a Beer...
Dirtie Explaining about CD recording process

"CDs are chemically recorded on the CD-RW drive. That's why DAT backups are better then CD.

You didnt know that? Of course it's true!"

Just to make it complete, lemme add a few comments: those number you see on your CD-RW drive are related to how much chemicalls are used per minute to record the CD. For instance, 32x --> 32ml of chemicalls/minute.
One of the tech-support guys talking to a Customer:

"if you want machines on the other side of the VPN to see these machines, you gotta have another VPN"
How to create an User account on linux

If you thought "useradd" and its friend, you missed it by far. At least, that is what "Dirtie" thinks.

First of all, you type "vi /etc/passwd". Please notice that it's gotta be vi; you cannot use vipw.

Then you change the first line on that file to

and add at the bottom of it:

Notice also that the other attributes must not be present, to ensure you dont give any permissions to that user.

Then you go "su -" to do the make install stuff. Notice the error, when su complains that root doesnt exist. Try again. Must be a mistake, right? Try once more. Then call in your boss and tell him you *KNOW* how to create users. and that you *KNOW* vi /etc/passwd is the best way. F*ck those lockfiles, you dont need them, right?

Do it and you will get a brand new blog just for ya... (sarcasm) hehehe
"Backup on CDs is a piece of shit. It corrupts backups 'cause it COMPRESS data when burning it on CD. DAT tapes are much better, 'cause they do NOT compress any data when backup'ing."

Guess who said that...
Hey! Did you guys know? RedHat was the very first linux distro.

ALL distros are based on RedHat...

Well, at least on Dirtie's sick mind...
One of the tech support guys talking to a customer:

"if you want the other side's machines of this VPN to see this side's machines, you gotta have another VPN."